Whod you bang
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
