Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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