All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
