69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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