Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
