chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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