We won't sleep together?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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