she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
