What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
