so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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