mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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