It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
