i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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