Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
