when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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