My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
