you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
