i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my being single is dangerous.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
