I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
