I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
