Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Screwed.edu
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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