I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
