Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
