I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
