yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
