dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
