Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
