But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
