you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
