He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize