I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
