My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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