real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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