if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
