I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
