So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like iHOP with fire
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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