You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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