we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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