I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
