I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
