oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
