You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
