she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
