When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
