Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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