I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
