So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
