So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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