They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
