You're completely useless in the revolution.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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