do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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