are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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