I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did i walk over a car last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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