I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
4 words: hood of his car
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
