Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize