My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
