for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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