How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
