just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
