Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
