I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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