New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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