Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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