I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
