I cockslap morals
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
