Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize