can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
