Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
