I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
