Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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