I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
