I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
