he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
