If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
